


Motherhood

by Smasher3kuk



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:59:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9959093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smasher3kuk/pseuds/Smasher3kuk
Summary: Motherhood sounds simple but for one woman it was the toughest thing she had ever done.A study into Bernie's trials and tribulations at being a mother.A rubbish description but give it a chance





	1. Chapter One

Bernie wasn't a natural mother. She would readily admit to it. Some women were born to be mothers, taking to it with ease. For Bernie it was a struggle, she loved her children ferociously despite not always vocalising it. Now in Bernie's eyes, Serena was, she seemed to take to the role of mother with ease, protective of everyone who she cared about. Free with her feelings, Bernie was more reserved, she had a military upbringing with a strong emphasis of the stiff upper lip. She knew her parents loved her and were proud of her. The same way as there were of her three brothers, the just didn't physically show it. 

This was the way Bernie was as well. But she so wanted to change it. She wanted to run up and hug her children. Tell them with such ease that she loved them. But all she kept thinking of was the missed moments...

Bernie was sat on the couch in her's and Marcus's living room. Or to be more precise slumped down on it. Her hand was massaging the large bump that she sported at the time. She was 9 months pregnant and 3 days overdue and was starting to get very uncomfortable. The babies head had dropped and she knew at any point soon she would go into labour.

She was a strong woman both physically and mentally but she was scared. She had wanted to become a parent at some point, but not at this time. She had completed her first few years of service with the RAMC and had been pretty much told that when she was sent out of her next tour that she was due a promotion. Herself and Marcus had discussed having children, and with a bit of persuasion, she had managed to persuade Marcus that they should wait. He was still just a registrar working long hours as he improved his skills and she was out serving for months on end, coming back fleeting for short visits, or in the case during the time this little one had been conceived an extended leave before she was sent out on a new deployment.

Finding out she was pregnant was a massive shock, the had always tried to be so careful. But they had slipped up somewhere. If she was going to be honest she tried as much as she could not to be intimate with her husband. She loved and cared for him, but she did not really care for the physical aspect of their marriage. Despite a lot of hard work from Marcus he had never made her orgasm and she taken from an early point in their relationship to just fake it and accept that her husband would not thrill her in that way. If she needed a release she relied on her own hand and a well-hidden battery operated friend that Marcus was not aware of.

As the years went on she had started to look for ways to avoid having sex but as her role as the dutiful wife dictated she couldn't avoid it completely and when she came back from any tour Marcus expected her to be in their bed for a long session of catching up as he classed it. Marcus despite not being able to please her sexually had incredible stamina and was always a gentleman, wanting her wife to come first before he followed. There was only so much thrusting and grunting Bernie could endure before she had to end it but crying out to allow Marcus to seek his own release. She knew she should be grateful, some women would kill for a man who lasted more than a few minutes but it was not easy to see that when Marcus was putting her through one of his marathon sessions, manhandling her into a multitude of positions and not even feel a slight trembling of the earth so to say. All she end up was feeling sore. 

 

A few hours had passed and Bernie had fallen asleep where she had sat, her eyes shot open and she let out a groan of pain. A contraction had just hit her and it had shook her awake. She had felt them before a few weeks ago, but they never progressed any further than 2 or 3 of them at a time. Braxton hicks, practice contractions. This felt different to her, like it was finally time to get the show on the road as they said. She decided not to call out Marcus just yet, one contraction did not mean she had finally started labour. She sat there for at least half an hour as she continued to have more of them. The level of pain increasing on each one of them. Finally, the decision to tell her husband that she was in labour was taken out of her hands as she felt the inside of her thighs become wet and quickly realised that her waters had broken.

“Marcus” She yelled out, hoping that he was in ear shot. “It's time”

She heard a noise coming from the kitchen, the sound of something being placed on one of the surfaces and then the quick heavy steps of someone heading towards the living room.

“What was that Bern?” Marcus replied as he made his way into the living room.

Gritting her teeth Bernie felt another contraction wave across her, the strongest one so far and she let out a small groan of pain before she spoke. “I said, it's time. Junior has decided that finally, it is time to meet its adoring public.

Despite it being considered an old-fashioned notion now. Marcus and herself had decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Both agreed that they wanted to wait and found out, that they wanted to experience what could be considered one of the ultimate surprises in life.

Bernie looked up at her husband and see a grin appear on his face. This was one of the moments she was grateful that Marcus was a doctor. At this moment she couldn't or wouldn't want to deal with a panicking man. He strode across the room and leant down and placed a light kiss onto Bernie's mouth.

“I'll go get your bag.” He said straightening up. “And call the hospital, say we are on the way”

Reaching our Bernie grabbed one of his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you/” She said. 

“There's no need to thank me, love. You're about to make me a father, what more could I wish for.” Marcus responded just before he stepped away to get their plans in action. Everything had been organised weeks ago, a bag packed with clothes for her and the baby. The maternity wings number pinned near the phone.

With Marcus out of earshot, Bernie couldn't help but give a little huff of annoyance. Marcus's comment had rankled her somewhat and brought back the memories of them telling some close friends that she was pregnant. She had received of course congratulations from the assembled group, these were mostly from the women. The reaction Marcus got made her realise the inequality of childbearing. Hearty handshakes and pats on the back were dolled out to him. Praise for getting his wife into this situation. Marcus had proven his masculinity by getting her pregnant, and as what had probably been since the dawn of the time he received the majority of the praise. She would be the one who would carry the baby for 9 months and give birth. Essentially all the hard lifting but Marcus received all the glory for just having sex. That ejaculating into a woman, his wife was a hard task and he deserved a round of applause for doing it. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Bernie and Marcus had made it to the hospital without any hitches, and she was now ensconced on a bed in a private room, her contractions were coming closer and closer and she had only a few moments before each one to relax. She knew had a high tolerance for pain but this was really testing her, and she wished that she had taken them up on on the epidural but it was too late now, her labour had progressed too far along. She had been examined a few moments ago and was 9cm dilated, every time she had been checked so far has been mortifying. Yes, she was a doctor and had performed these exams during her training but it was very much different to be the other end. The joys of childbirth right there, multitudes of people poking around at her lower half.

She let out a guttural moan as another wave hit, hands tightening around the sheet on the bed. Marcus was supposed to have just started a shift at the hospital she was currently labouring in and he stepped out to find his consultant to explain his absence. He had been a rock since their arrival, helping as much as he could to distract her from the pain, taken one too many strong squeezes to his hand as she worked her way through some contractions. Even a mouthful of abuse at getting her into this situation as she had a strong contraction whilst the midwife was examining her. He had taken all of it and thankfully was not sulking. Marcus had thought she was just blaming him in the heat of the moment. What he did not know was that Bernie did blame him for this situation perhaps rather selfishly as it does take two to end up this situation, she had been on the pill since starting university to protect herself just in case, but had always insisted that condoms were used as well. That included Marcus to start off with as well as the others before him, not that many but it did include some ill thought out one night stands. She had insisted during the early years of their relationship that they used condoms but as time had gone on and with badgering from Marcus they had stopped using them, which had course contributed to her being in this situation.

She, of course, realised that she was holding in a lot of resentment in regards to the situation, if she hadn't become pregnant she would have been with her unit now, saving lives and enjoying her new rank of Captain. Instead. she was stuck in the UK for who knows how long, and would have to cover so much ground to bring her career progression back in line and work her way up to being a consultant trauma surgeon one day. Her commanding officer had effectively told her that once the baby was born she wouldn't be called upon in at least a year to return to service. The army was always generous when it came to allowing women soldiers time off after birth. All Bernie could think that a year seemed to long, she needed to be working and really needed to be ensuring that her skills did not atrophy. She still hadn't managed to broach with Marcus her plans to pick up locum work whilst she was waiting to be allowed to return. He was still under a labouring belief that she would be staying at home full time during that year, and already had dropped some less than subtle hints about her resigning her commission now that she had a child.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“One more push Love, then we will be able to find out what you have” Bernie's midwife called out. Marcus was by her side, holding her hand as Bernie braced herself and pushed for all her worth. She was exhausted, the labour had really taken it our of her. She felt the baby slide out of her and let out a tremendous cry.

“Congratulations. It's a boy” The midwife told them busying herself between Bernie's legs as she cut the umbilical cord and with the skill of someone who had done it hundreds of time before she wrapped the baby up and handed her across to Bernie.

Looking down at her son she drunk in his features. He had a small mop of dark hair which looked somewhat what the shade of Marcus. She barely noticed Marcus lean down and place a kiss on her forehead.

All she could do was stare at her son and fear what the future could bring.

 

Thinking back all that Bernie could think was that moment had been clouded by her her own wants. Not for the first time, all she wanted to do was run back to her comrades when her feelings got too much. She didn't feel for a long time any sort of love for Cameron. Something she dismayed about now. For a long time, she thought of her son as an inconvenience in her life, yet she was the one that still had her children. Whilst Serena had lost her precious only child. Serena the perfect mother had suffered the worst thing a parent could go through. Losing a child. But yet she who failed multiple times in motherhood still had what she now termed her greatest blessings in life apart from Serena.


	2. Chapter 2

Bernie was exhausted, the type of exhaustion that was not just mental but seeped all the way down to your bones. At a previous point in her life, she would have stated that the tiredness she had experienced before this point was the worse she had ever felt. Long shifts on the ward during training, all-nighters cramming for exams, long patrols hoping that everyone would get through the night unscathed. Those points in time now paled in comparison compared to how she felt down.

Cameron was now almost three months old, since that point Bernie could not remember a night where she got more than an hour of sleep before being woken up again. Bernie had sworn at times that Cameron seemed part shark, he never seemed to want to sleep, or at least for any long lengths of time. The issue was being coupled, by the fact he was suffering with colic as well. Because of these two things Bernie never seemed be able to get a good nights sleep.

Marcus has been at home for the first two weeks due to his paternity leave but since that point, he had returned back to work. Bernie had grumbled slightly about him being underfoot at that time, but by this point in time, she realised how much of a help he actually was. Bernie was breastfeeding so Marcus couldn't help with feeds, but he had been of great help with the other aspects of taking care of a small infant, what seemed like endless nappy changes, winding or just settling him down when he cried. Now she was taking the brunt of them alone. Her husband seemingly was constantly at work, and when he was at home be it sleeping during the day after a night shift or there overnight, once his head hit the pillow he was out and not even the ear piercing screams of his son could rouse him from his slumber. She couldn't begrudge him, she knew he needed sleep, a tired surgeon was a dangerous surgeon, but after a long night of soothing their son, she couldn't stop feeling more than slightly annoyed or jealous. She was bone weary and all she wanted to do was sleep.

Before Cam had come along she thought she would be able to easily to juggle this and pick up locum shifts, get Marcus to take care of him whilst she kept her skills sharp, that she could easily express some milk, hand him to Marcus and go to work.

This was not the case, and whilst she was on what seemed an endless road of no sleep and crying she couldn't see that happening anytime soon. The dream of going to work was just that a dream, she didn't want to even think of even considering it at that time. In fact, she dreamt of instead of booking herself into a hotel anywhere, falling straight into the bed and sleeping for 48 hours straight. 

Bernie's eye flew open, as she heard her loud cry coming from the room next to hers and Marcus's. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the dark and made their way over to the clock on the bedside cabinet. It read as 2.16 am. Groaning slightly she pulled the covers down and slide out of the bed. Looking at the sleeping form of her husband she was tempted to poke him in the ribs to wake him up and force him to go to their son. But she quickly decided against it, she didn't have the energy to deal with the inevitable argument that would occur if she did. Pulling on her dressing gown and tying the belt she headed to the door of their bedroom and out into the hall quickly making progress to the door of Cameron's room. Up until a week ago, he had still been sleeping in Marcus's and her room, but in an attempt to try and see if she could get more sleep she had moved him into his own room. It was ready for him, it had been for a long time, but the plan had been for him to sleep in with them until at his was least 6 months old. Marcus has been annoyed at her decision, making it out that she was abandoning him, that the best place was for him to be with them. But she had to do something to try and get some sleep. She had thought he perhaps was been disturbed by them, that being in a quiet room of his own with help and that she would be able to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. So far this had not been the case.

Pushing the door open she stepped into Cam's room and walked over to his cot. She had only just settled him to sleep 45 minutes ago and already he had awoken and was bawling his lungs out. Leaning down she scooped him up and cradled him quickly into her arms, rocking him slightly.

She noted very quickly what was causing his distress, feeling a slight dampness to his nappy and a not so pleasant smell coming from him. Talking quietly she moved him over to the changing table.

“It's okay, little man. We will soon have you all clean again and then perhaps you will let your mummy get some sleep.” 

Unsnapping his baby grow quickly and with the confidence of someone who had done this hundred of times before, she quickly removed the soiled nappy and cleaned him up, wanting to get him back into a new one as soon as possible. Cameron like most boys had a tendency to urinate once his nappy was removed and she had been hit once too many times, and tonight she was not in the mood at all to have to cope with this. Fastening his nappy closed, she quickly redressed him and brought him back into her arms as she walked across to the rocking chair she had in his room and sat down with him, as she tried to temper his screams. Rocking the chair slightly she brought him up to her chest and placed one of his ears over her heart. From experience she knew that the sound of her heart beating would sooth him, a sound he heard when he was still in her womb.

Rubbing his back slightly she felt him slowly relax and his cries quiet down as the minutes ticked over, fighting with herself as she felt her eyelids grow heavier as another wave of exhaustion flew over her. She started to feel him nuzzling against her chest, actively seeking out her breast, and she guessed he was also getting hungry as well. Moving him over to her left arm she quickly loosened the belt of her dressing gown and unbuttoned her pyjama top, exposing one of her breasts she brought Cameron down to it and helped him to latch on, feeling him suckle away almost instantly, like his father he had a ravenous appetite. 

Looking down at her son as he fed, made her wonder where the time had gone since his birth. She could see one of his eyes staring up at her, his eye colour now the same shade as hers, a shade she hoped it stayed. She could seem him intently staring at her face, studying her features, drinking her in. She studied his face as well, each passing day she could see a little more of herself in his features, but it was clear to her that he took after his father the most, the Dunn genetics had won out over the Wolfe ones. 

She felt Cameron unlatch and she moved him over her shoulder tapping his back lightly to ensure he burped, not wanting him to be any discomfort if she could manage it. His colic had started to settle down a bit and she didn't want to risk it building up again. Standing up she paced the room whilst she held him over her shoulder still lightly tapping away at his back. 

Once again she whispered softly as she walked around.

“Now little man, you have been changed and fed so let's see if can settle you down for some more sleep. You need lots of sleep if you going to grow into a big man. And your mummy needs a lot of sleep as well.”

Bernie dropped out of her haze and released that she was still exposed, she had not covered herself back up after Cameron finished feeding. Juggling him slightly, she managed to button her pyjamas back up and noted right then and there that the exhaustion was starting to get to her.

She knew in herself that she hadn't felt right since he was born, and wondered once more only fleeting why she had gone on to have him. She could easily had not, had done something without Marcus knowing.

Tears started to flow down her face, every time she felt so much guilt when she had those thoughts in the dead of night, having those type of thoughts as she held what she knew was her precious child, those feelings were so deep inside of her the rarely came to the surface but she knew she felt something even if she couldn't call it love it. Instead, she kept having thoughts of wishing he was not there, that she had done something. Feeling like the worse mother ever, because she couldn't take Cam for the blessing he was.

“I'm so sorry Cam” She whispered as she held him close. “I'm sorry I feel this way, I am so glad that you here, you are wanted, please remember that. I can't imagine you not been here Little Man. I just don't think I am ready to be a good mum yet.”

Moving him down she cradled him back into her arms, feeling Cameron's hand reaching around and grasping her little finger as he gave a yawn.

She continued her pacing, rocking him slightly once more as she tried to make him fall back to sleep, humming lightly as she did. A soothing medley that she hoped would lull him back into his slumber, and allow her to retreat back to her bed and try once more to get some sleep herself. She could see his eyelids starting to drop and felt his body starting to relax in her arms as he started to drift off.

She leant down slightly, breathing him in before she placed a kiss on his head, the move ruffling the hair on his head slightly, she felt him stir in her arms and she pulled back quickly, worrying that she had woken him back him up for his new slumber. 

Instead, she saw something which pulled at her heart, and she felt what she could only describe as the first true wave of love she had for him since he was born. He was smiling, properly smiling. Not one of those reflex smiles she had seen before, they were fleeting, a few moments and they were gone. This was a real smile, a smile of a happy and contented child who was happy to be in his mother's arms, being rocked and taken care off. 

Time in that moment stood still for Bernie, all the tiredness, all the stress, all the negative emotions about him all flew away. All she could do was stare at her son and felt a large grin come across her face. This one moment seem to make it all worthwhile, and she felt like she could shout from the rooftops.

She knew that she couldn't stand there holding him forever, moving over to his cot, she carefully placed him back down in it, pulling his blanket over him. His eyes fluttered slightly whilst she fussed with it, but they soon settled and remained closed as he fell deep asleep. Risking it she bent down and placed another kiss on his head before quietly creeping away to the door. Stopping for one moment when she reached it and turned back round to his cot.

“Thank You Cam” she whispered “I can't say it now, but I will one day. One little smile from you has shown me the way”

* * * * * * * * *

 

Bernie's eyes went down to the sleeping form next to her, she had spent the night at Serena's at her behest, Serena had asked to be left alone for a few weeks, and after a tough first day back she had asked her to come home with her. Serena was still struggling with the loss of her daughter; and had spent the evening talking about her to Bernie, showing her photos of her growing up. How she felt when she first took her home, the loved she had from the moment she had first held her. The joy of the first smile. Not one bad memory of the first years of her life, that despite the tiredness she has also felt taking care of a small child that it had been no burden to her.

There were no guilty moments like Bernie had about her son's early life. She had struggled, she had doubts which she truly regretted now. Just thinking back about the time before he had been born and the first few months of his life, all those thoughts about wishing she had had an abortion made her sick to the stomach with guilt. 

It had taken a while, and that first true smile had prompted it, but from that moment she had started to feel love for him. It had taken a long while to build up within her but she could say clearly now that she truly loved him with all her heart. She couldn't imagine her life without him in it, and she was extremely grateful that she hadn't run away when she first found out she was pregnant and had done something stupid.

Her baby's smile had warmed her heart, but she couldn't help other thoughts coming to the surface. Other moments good and bad which had made her into the mother she was today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was tough to write, and I am not sure how much it relates to Bernie's characterisation on TV. I do not think it has been implicitly stated she struggled as a parent but I have taken from the undertone of some of the scenes that she really was not a natural and did struggle with her feelings. Any feedback will be appreciated as I am still not sure with continuing with this story, but somehow seem to get more inspiration to write this than another chapter of my other story.


	3. Chapter 3

Bernie looked down at her son playing happily on the floor. Or to be honest she was looking at him with one eye as she tried to do some reading for a surgery she was assisting into tomorrow. It had taken longer than she had planned to be able to go back, but she had done it. It had taken some persuasion on her part with Marcus, that it was a good thing for her and for their son, that he was not that young anymore to start socialisation with other children. So two days a week he was with a childminder, allowing her to pick up locum shifts at the nearest hospital.

Bernie herself wore a smile on her face, she was working two days a week doing something she loved, and only that morning she had received orders to report to base in a months time, this was a couple of weeks after Cameron's 1st Birthday. Unofficially though her CO she knew what was happening, whilst Cameron was still quite young so she wouldn't be deployed overseas but instead working at one of the MOD Hospital units within the UK as a senior registrar with the responsibility of training new medics who joined up. Luckily for her, there was one such unit not far from home, something which she was gratefully for, she was ready, more than ready to go back into service, but she wasn't ready to leave her son for a long length of time yet. The few days she need to spend on base according to the letter would be hard enough, it may have taken time but she had built a strong attachment to her boy and it felt strange that would miss out on seeing his wide smile first thing in the morning, when she went into his room to get him out of his cot.

Turning her attention back on to her notes, she quickly found herself engrossed in them. She had done this procedure before Cameron had been born, but she would be the first to admit the time she had away when he was very young had blunted her skills somewhat, and to be better safe than sorry she was studying up on it just in case. She had always dismissed the idea of baby brain, that hormones fluctuations caused by pregnancy and breastfeeding could impact someone's memory, but she could honestly state that she believed it now. 

A few minutes passed and she felt a tugging on her right trouser leg, looking down she saw Cameron standing next to it, both hands gripping tightly onto to the fabric of her trouser leg. When she had last looked at him he had been a few feet away happily playing with a toy car. Cameron had started to walk a few weeks ago, and whilst he was improving day by day, he was still very unsteady on his feet and would grab on to anything he could for dear life once he had made it to it. Cameron was steadily ticking off the milestones at the moment, every time she looked he seemed to master something new. She sadly had not been there to see his first steps, he was with the childminder on the day he decided to take the plunge and let get just so he could get over to a toy just out of reach. Whilst Bernie loved being back at work, she was disappointed not to be there to witness it happen. She had seen in the days leading up to they he was getting closer to doing it, he just hadn't built the courage up to do it.

Cameron let go with his one of his hands and lifted it up in the air, gesturing the best way he could that he would like to be picked up. Bernie bent slightly to the side and reached down to grab him, quickly settling him onto her lap.

“Hey, Little Man, did you want to see what Mummy is doing. Or did you want all my attention like you always do.” Bernie said to her son, whilst she started to tickle him towards the end of the sentence. Squeals of laughter coming out from him as he does. 

Her ears flicked up to the clock on the wall, she hadn't realised what time it was.

“Oh, I know what you want. Someone's getting hungry aren't there.” Bernie stood up and shifted Cameron on to her hip, closing the textbooks on the table she cleared it down slightly making space on it that she would need shortly. “I guess it is lunchtime for me and you then”

Walking into the kitchen she placed him into the playpen she had placed in there, now he was more active she couldn't risk letting him have free reign in this room. Placing a kiss on his head she walked over to the fridge she pulled out what she needed to both feed her and Cameron. She would normally if there was eating a hot meal feed him, letting him help a little bit, wanting to avoid having the dining room painted with whatever he was eating. When it came to something cold she had no issues with doing it himself. 

Making herself a sandwich, she placed onto Cameron's plates slices of cheese and meat, as well as carrot sticks and celery. She had also pulled out a yoghurt for him to follow that with. Fixing themselves both a drink she carried the food back into the dining room leaving Cam alone for a few moments in his pen whilst he amused himself with one of his toys. 

Making her way back to him, she grabbed him out of his pen and back into the other room, placing him in his high chair, putting his cup and plate in front of him.

“There you go.” She said as Cam reached for one of the pieces of meat, quickly putting it into his mouth, sucking it slightly as he chewed it with the few teeth he had.

Bernie quickly took to eating her sandwich, carefully watching Cameron as he made his way through his meal. When she had first had him these moments of domesticity scared her but she felt as time moved on more and more at ease. She had moved past her doubts and was now becoming more confident as every day passed.

She would admit the early months has been tough, but now that he slept she felt better, exhaustion had tempered a lot of her feelings then, and she couldn't think about him not being there anymore. He had a part of heart forever now.

Marcus had started to talk about having another child, but so far she had persuaded him that he was not the time to do so. Stating that she wanted to wait for Cameron to be older before they extended the family. In fact, at this time she wasn't sure she wanted to have another child. That was something she really needed to think about, her 1st pregnancy had not been easy, the labour had been bad, and whilst it was not diagnosed she knew had suffered post-natal depression.

So for the moment, on the occasions when she slept with her husband she ensured he used a condom, not willing for the moment to rely on just the pill. She needed that extra assurance, and thankfully due to having a child under the age of 1, these sexual interludes had not been that frequent. Like before she slept with him enough to make it like she was the dutiful wife. As always he never satisfied her in that way and since Cameron's birth whatever tiny interest she did have in it had gone completely. She knew she should be honest with her husband, tell him he was lighting her touchpaper but in fact, that was a hornet's nest that she didn't want to kick.

As with when Cameron was younger Marcus was still not around as much as she would like him to be, she was still taking the brunt of the childcare, but as he came closer to be fully weaned she had switched to bottles and formula which meant she could hand that over to him when he was at home, he wasn't drinking that much milk anymore and it meant that she could encourage Marcus to bond more with their son. But it was easy to see that Marcus has an old-fashioned viewpoint with Children, it was the Mothers job to raise them when they were young, that was woman's work and he would take a more active role when they were older. Do the whole man and boy thing, as much as she hoped that she would have a close relationship with her son throughout his life, she knew there would be some things that Cameron would prefer to discuss with his father when the time comes. And despite her knowing that she was wise to the world she knew that she would never be able to give him a man's perspective on things, her gender automatically dictating that.

Finishing her sandwich she sat staring at her son as he slowly made his way through his food, watching his intense focus on what he was doing, something to her now which was just a regular mundane thing to do, something she had done thousands of times now, but to Cameron it was still all so new.

She noticed after a few minutes had passed that his attention had moved from eating the food to playing with what was on his plate, and she knew from experience that it meant that he was done. Moving slightly closer to him she moved his plate away and grabbed hold of the yoghurt she had brought for him, peeling the lid of she grabbed his spoon and placed a small amount of it onto it, bringing it to his mouth he opened up and let her place it in it, he grabbed at the spoon at the same time, she could see he wanted to do it, but she preferred for him to actually eat the yogurt not wear it.

“No Cameron. Mama do it.” She said, ensuring that she kept the words she said to him simple so he could hopefully understand it.

Cameron looked at her whilst still holding the spoon, tugging on it slightly. His eyes focused on her.

“Mama.” He said,

Bernie froze for a moment, Cameron had been babbling away for a long way but this was the first time a word had come through so clearly, and it was obvious it as dictated to her. She had been try for a while now to get him to start speaking fully, instead of unidentifiable baby speak.

“Mama. No” He spoke again. 

Forgetting about continuing to feed him the yoghurt, she let Cameron hold the spoon, quickly unclipping him for him his high chair and scooping him into her arms and onto her lap.

“What did you say, Cameron? Who am I?" she said gesturing at herself in his line of sight.

“Mama” 

To say Bernie was ecstatic would be an understatement, his first word finally and it was Mama. She knew from literature that it was normally Dada, that the D consonant was easier for small children to master compared to an M. She had hoped that he would say her name first, and she had got her wish. 

“That's right Cameron, I'm your Mama.” She said back. “Mummy is so proud of you.” 

She placed a kiss down on his head, inhaling his scent whilst she was close to him.

He had reached another milestone and she was so happy to have been there for it. This would be a memory that she would treasure for ever. Cameron had always been closer to her that Marcus, all those hours breastfeeding him on those long nights had brought them a bond, or was it the age old adage of the Sons would be when they young Mummy's Boys. 

She, of course, had this as a one up over Marcus, he had been badgering for a while for Cam to say, Dada, always trying to throw it at him as much as possible so he would repeat it back and he would get the first word. But her beautiful boy has bestowed this honour onto her. 

Pulling him up she hugged him close and then noticed he was still holding onto his spoon. Whilst she would prefer to live in this moment for so much longer, she knew she had to get him to finish his meal and then get him settled for a nap soon. 

Pulling his yoghurt across she pulled the spoon out of his fingers and heard him speak again.

“Mama. No!”

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Serena had told Bernie that Elinor's first word had been Dada, that she had always been a Daddy's Girl more despite living primarily with Serena after the divorce. She had wanted her to so say Mama first or Mummy but hadn't been given that luxury, as Serena told her this story she couldn't help think bittersweetly about her memory or Cameron and couldn't help compare Serena's story with Charlotte and her first word. She had been a Dada child, and up until her teen years closer to her father. That wasn't the case now, with everything that had happened things were still tense between her and her daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> I was not sure about posting this. So any comments good or bad will be received, this idea came to me and it hasn't let go despite me not having much time to write at this time. Now I have this first chapter of what could be a new story cleared out, let's see where the muse takes me next in regards to my other fic.


End file.
